Category Archives: Musings

a return to familiar places…

It has been so long since I last sat down to write I think I might have forgotten how to go about it. I’ll just go with a stream of consciousness….

Where to start…how about nursing school. Yep, that’s right, folks…I’m applying for nursing school this semester. I was thinking of waiting until the Fall semester to apply (for admittance for Spring 2013), but I think I’ll just go for it now and see what happens. The program for which I am applying is not an easy program to weasel into these days, but I am confident I will eventually be accepted.

What about Kenya, you ask?!

For now it’s on hold. It could be on hold forever; I just don’t know. I know God is going to use me no matter where I reside, and He has already shown me many reasons why being back in the States right now is where I need to be. I had some adventures when I left Kenya, and they definitely changed my life for the good.

God is funny and definitely not easy to understand. Really…why would He be easy to understand?! I can’t wrap my mind around saran wrap let alone the creator of the Universe.

I left Kenya and traveled to Israel for a few weeks. It was an amazing time in my life! What a joy it was to explore such a controversial and historical land; to be able to connect to scripture in a new and deeper way was a treasure. I wandered the streets of Jerusalem (I might have gotten lost..but I’ll never admit to it), and experienced the Dead Sea. I explored several of King Herod’s palaces, and saw the sun set over the Sea of Galilee. I went hiking in the desert, and ate a lot of hummus and pita bread. I also had the pleasure of meeting the sweetest man I have ever had the privilege to know. I think we both had hoped for a long-term commitment to be the result of our knowing each other, but God has other plans for us. I never rule out what God can do in the future, but I know I can’t dwell on the unknown.

So where do I stand in the grand scheme of things called life?

  1. I am officially a college student…again.
  2. I am single…again.
  3. I am gainfully employed through more than one job…again.
  4. I am covered by God’s mercy and grace…again…although I never was not covered, and isn’t that something in which we can all rejoice?!

Life is hard at times, and at other times it doesn’t appear to be so hard. Right now, I can’t turn around without seeing suffering. My sweet friends, my family, are suffering, but the truly incredible reality is God is moving in each of their lives. He is moving in glorious ways! Long time prayers are being answered despite the chaos that seems to have taken over. God is working in the lives of those dearest to my heart! It is such a joy to see each one of them draw near to the Lord in ways they never have before, although it breaks my heart to see them suffer. Yet, what about me? Am I drawing near to the Lord? For a long while I have felt my prayer life had been stagnate. I pray. I pray all the time. I pray even when I don’t necessary set out to pray, yet I find myself talking to Him while I’m washing the dishes…or driving down the road…or when I should be studying. But it hasn’t been thoughtful prayer.

I like to write my prayers out; I find when I write them out they tend to be more focused AND I am able to look back at what God has done. I haven’t been doing that for a long while. I scrounged up a notebook not long ago and started back to keeping a prayer journal. So while my prayers seem to be more focused, and I know I’m realigning myself to be where I should be with God, I can’t say I understand any better what exactly He is up to right now.

I don’t want to look forward to this part of my life to be over. I want to savor it. I want to savor this time I’m back in school, and this time I have had to minister to those around me who have been suffering. I think all too often I dismiss the present and look forward to the next season God has in store for me. However, when I do that I miss out on the season He has me. He has me here for a specific reason: to bring glory to Himself. Whom am I to look forward to its end?

So, I shall leave you with the words of Job. From the midst of his suffering Job says, “For I know my Redeemer lives, and at the last he will stand upon the earth.” 19:25

Our Redeemer lives. No matter the circumstance…our Redeemer lives, and at the last he WILL stand upon the earth! So, please pray with me and for me. I covet your prayers, and please let me know how I can be praying for you!

 

 

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Filed under Faith, Family, Kenya, Musings

for all those doubters…

There is a reason why Colt McCoy is the winningest quarterback in college football history…he may not have been a number 1 draft pick, but he’s going to be a star NFL quarterback just the same! Read why here.

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what to write…

Back in Texas, and I’m at a loss for words. I don’t know what to write. I feel so many different things, and I think most of what I’m feeling is nonsense. Forced to make decisions that I don’t want to make if I’m going to live the life Christ called me to live. Relationships ended. Hearts broken. Love lost.

And still God reigns supreme. The world is still turning. God is still on His throne.

Sheesh…it all sounds so trite. So flippant. And it most definitely is not.

So what is going on with me!?!?!

I know I don’t always get what I want, and I know that in the end it wasn’t really what was right for me. God knew, and I just need to accept that some things aren’t going to turn out as I would like.

Currently I feel trapped between wanting one life, yet knowing I need to pursue the other life; even when the other life is really what I want, yet the one life would be nice, too….but it’s not attainable.

Now that I am officially making no sense, I’m done.

Perhaps next time I’ll have something worthy to read.

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Filed under Loss, Musings

proposal…

If a hypothetical man asks me to hypothetically marry him I will, not hypothetically, say to him, “Are you sure?” If he says, “Yes. I’m sure. I want to marry you.” I will reply with, “Well, I get cold sores. Now are you still sure?”

If he says, “Yep! I’m still sure,” I’ll marry that man.

 

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Filed under Musings, Silliness

not a spiritual matter, but it annoys me…

I get really annoyed when people are too lazy to type out an entire word. Is it really that much more effort to type: ‘YOU’ instead of ‘U’? Really? You had to hit two other keys and that just wiped you out for the day?

T-H-O is NOT though.

R is NOT are.

U is NOT you.

Ppl is NOT people.

Ok. I’m off my first 2011 soapbox now.

Can you imagine if Jesus was a text-er? “Disipls, r u guyz rdy? Fish-n-chips 2 multply.”

Lame.

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Filed under Musings, Silliness

my 2010 year in review…

As society’s obsession with the new year would dictate I should take this time, at the beginning of 2011, and take stock in what I accomplished in 2010. Ok. So, what did happen in 2010? I’ll make a list:

January

  1. Sang in an opera program at HBU.
  2. Was granted auditions at Eastman School Of Music, Rochester, NY and Indiana University.
  3. Traveled to Rochester, NY for a graduate school audition.
  4. Experienced my first blizzard.
  5. Worked for the United States Postal Service.
  6. Saw someone, for whom I cared deeply, for the last time.
  7. Traveled to Florida State University, Tallahassee, FL, for a graduate school audition with my mom.
  8. Detoured to Atlanta, GA to visit some dear friends from Kenya.
  9. Began my last semester at HBU.

February

  1. Traveled to Boston for a graduate school audition.
  2. Said goodbye to an amazing man.
  3. Survived another Valentine’s Day alone.
  4. Ditched a lot of school.
  5. Turned 28.
  6. Stopped exercising.
  7. Quit working at the USPS.

March

  1. Traveled to Indiana University for a graduate school audition, and to see my family in Indiana.
  2. Made a snowman!
  3. Got four rejection letters for all graduate programs to which I applied and auditioned.
  4. Began my five week marathon to learning recital rep.
  5. Applied and almost got into UTSA, but decided to not audition at the last minute.
  6. Ditched some more school (especially wellness).
  7. Ate a lot of junk.
  8. Traveled to Austin to try to regain my sanity.
  9. Saw the Black Eyed Peas in concert with two of my most favorite girls!
  10. Had an really amazing movie night at my best friends’ house!

April

  1. Continued the marathon to learning recital rep.
  2. Sang in another opera scenes program at HBU.
  3. Went on a painful, yet success, search for a recital dress with three amazing women.
  4. Reconciled with an old friend.
  5. Passed my recital hearing by the skin of my teeth.
  6. Sang my recital and suffered through making up my entire French set.
  7. Passed all my finals to complete all requirements for graduation!

May

  1. Saw Iron Man 2
  2. Went on one of the most amazing dates of my life.
  3. Graduated! Graduated! Graduated!
  4. Went on choir tour with an wonderful group of people.
  5. Ate two ‘dirty love burgers’ at the Love Shack.
  6. Almost rode a mechanical bull.
  7. Ate more candy in one week than I ever thought humanly possible.
  8. Went to the Clinton Presidential Library.
  9. Took a solo road trip to South Carolina.
  10. Traveled to Austin, TX.
  11. Began a torturous summer of no work.
  12. Previous reconciliation went sour, again.
  13. Learned how to make tamales from an authentic Mexican grandma.

June

  1. Looked for a job post graduation.
  2. Realized I wasn’t actually skilled to do much of anything.
  3. Almost got a good administrative position at a bible college.
  4. Was asked to move to Kenya.
  5. Began the painful process of “divorcing” my current roommate.
  6. Discovered that someone I thought I could trust I could not.
  7. Began the process of uprooting my life.

July

  1. Decided to move to Kenya.
  2. Said goodbye to my roommate of four and a half years.
  3. Had a birthday party for my dog.
  4. Began to pack up my house to move my life into one room at my parent’s house.
  5. Sorted through my “stuff” to figure out what all to sell or give away.
  6. Went to Austin.
  7. Lost the almost job due to moving to Kenya.
  8. Saw Toy Story 3.
  9. Saw Knight and Day.
  10. Saw Eclipse (twice).
  11. Saw Salt.

August

  1. Was reunited with a dear individual.
  2. Ate a lot of gummi bears.
  3. Geared up for a miserable yard sale process.
  4. Saw Inception.
  5. Said goodbye for the first of many times.
  6. Laid new flooring in my bedroom at my parent’s house.

September

  1. Had an epic yard sale.
  2. Officially moved home.
  3. Began fundraising for my new life as a missionary.
  4. Began to see God’s provision.
  5. Planned for another yard sale in October.
  6. Went on an awesome family reunion!
  7. Got to go tubing on the lake!

October

  1. Had another epic yard sale, but not quite as epic as before.
  2. Was blessed beyond belief by finally getting to meet one of my most favorite individuals ever, T!
  3. Went to Austin one last time.
  4. Bought some cool new photography equipment.
  5. Paid off some debt.
  6. Bought some awesome music gear to leave in Kenya.
  7. Came into possession of my very own guitar! (thank you mom and dad)
  8. Had Thanksgiving/Christmas.
  9. Had the most awesome jam session with T, K, & Pop.
  10. Said goodbye to my family and life in Houston.
  11. Got on a plane after everything that could go wrong went wrong and moved to Kenya.
  12. Struggled with acclimating to my new life.
  13. Almost quite before I actually started.
  14. Experienced the best game drive ever!
  15. Shared Kenya with my dad.
  16. Loved on some orphans.
  17. Got sick.

November

  1. Had to say goodbye to my dad. (probably one the hardest things I have ever done in my life)
  2. Began my music ministry in Sekenani.
  3. Began to learn Swahili.
  4. Got food poisoning from a nasty pizza place. (I still eat pizza, though just not from the aforementioned place)
  5. Experienced my first Thanksgiving away from home.
  6. Began children’s choir rehearsals for the Christmas program.

December

  1. Spent a week in Kijabe helping a dear friend recover from surgery.
  2. Discovered the amazingness that is ‘Chuck’!
  3. Discovered my identity was stolen.
  4. Had my heart broken in dealing with the differences in culture in Kenya.
  5. Went to a Harumbi (sp).
  6. Geared up for my first Christmas and New Year’s away from home.
  7. Recorded some music for Christmas gifts.
  8. Met a lovely Kenyan family who visited for Christmas.
  9. Discovered I needed to come home early.
  10. Going through a painful purification process, and learning what it really means to trust God.
  11. Had the best Christmas ever. (sorry mom and dad)
  12. Went on an epic four wheeler ride through the bush of Africa and was blessed to have a miniature game drive!
  13. Got seriously sunburned!
  14. Watched Goonies for NYE.

In the last year I have been heartbroken, overjoyed, challenged, troubled, confused, content, amazing, and a myriad of other emotions that I can’t think of at the moment. I’ve loved, and I’ve lost. I’ve given, and I’ve received. I’ve been hurt by people, and I’ve hurt people. I’ve fought with people, and I’ve reconciled relationships.

I could say that 2010 was awful to me, and I demand for 2011 to make it up to me, but really….I look back on the last year and I can’t say 2010 was bad to me. Sure, there were times when I would have preferred things to turn out differently, but then I wouldn’t be sitting here in Kenya typing this list. To be here in Kenya has been the most amazing blessing of my life. I’m living the dream. The ULTIMATE dream. I’m living in the will of God! I’m sharing His love with the people here. That’s more than any graduate program or relationship or job that I didn’t get into or lost.

God brought me here, to Kenya, and in doing so has revealed who He is a HUGE way to me. I know Him now like I’ve never known Him. I love Him! I think back and I see that I didn’t really love Him before. I’m learning what it truly means to love God. I’m learning what it truly means to be a Christ follower. I’m learning…

I asked God to help me to trust Him more, and He has been faithful to move in my life so that I would have to trust Him more. Trust Him solely. I love it! I know now what I want to do with my life, and it is to serve Him only. Kenya is where I want to be, despite not having my family here, this is where I long to be. This is where I believe I’m supposed to be. God will make a way. I’m praying and trusting in Him.

I’ve had an awesome year, and all the things I could regret…I won’t. I won’t regret them because after all the good and bad I’ve learned who I was, who I didn’t want to be, who I want to be in Christ, and who I can be in Christ.

I’m praising God for it all. I’m praising God for His abundant mercy. I’m praising God for His incredible goodness! I’m praising God!! Won’t you praise, too!?!

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Filed under Faith, Kenya, Musings, The Past

irony…

incongruity between what is expected to be and what actually is, or a situation or result showing such incongruity.

 

Not what I expected to experience today, but hey…should I really be surprised?

 

 

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