If you missed part 1 I would suggest catching up before continuing.
So where was I? Oh, yes…
I lived in fear of him eventually not wanting me, so I pushed him away and found reasons why he wasn’t good for me. And, he eventually decided he didn’t want to marry me. Remember, there are two sides to every story. This is my blog, and I will only ever discuss my faults and sins.
Now, I have a gown I’ll never wear, a veil I’ll never wear, and a stack of bridal magazines I don’t even know with what to do…
This isn’t the end of the story. I promised you a love story, and I promised you a surprise.
My initial reaction was to be angry, bitter, hateful, and embarrassed. In a way, I felt like a jilted bride…I had to endure the questions of friends and family as to how E was doing, and did not I “miss him terribly!?” Then came the looks of pity and sorrow for me as I explained we were no longer engaged. It was as if my heart were being ripped from my chest every time.
I’ve been going through the motions, feeling hurt, feeling confused, and teetering on the edge of wanting to scream at God, “Will it ever be my turn!?!?!”
And then the love story truly unfolded as God wrapped His perfect, capable arms around me, held me close, and whispered sweetly to me….
“Trust me. I love you.”
All this time, the love I’ve been craving and seeking has been there the whole time. All this time, I had all I needed.
“And the Word became flesh and dwelt among us, and we have seen his glory, glory as of the only Son from the Father, full of grace and truth.” John 1:14 (ESV)
Take a moment to read this verse again…
“And the Word became flesh and dwelt among us..”
Christ left His perfect and heavenly home to take on the form of sinful man and live among sinful men…why? So He could pursue us…so He could love us…so He could lay His life down for us so we would be redeemed.
Soak it in…this truth, which Christ is as the second half of this verse states.
We think of love as this fuzzy feeling we get when a cute boy or girl enters the room and our stomachs twist and turn…our hearts race…and we can’t seem to make a coherent sentence…at least this is what the world feeds us as “love”.
The truth about love: it’s an action. It is a daily action of dying to yourself, and placing someone else’s needs above your own. That is exactly what Christ did for us…
He left His home. He left behind His comfort. He suffered the limitations of His new form. He endured the sin all around Him. He did this because it was what “we” needed, and He cared more about what “we” needed than what might make Him more comfortable. He didn’t HAVE to die for us…God didn’t HAVE to save any of us, but He did because He loves us…
“ But God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which he loved us, even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ— by grace you have been saved— and raised us up with him and seated us with him in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus, so that in the coming ages he might show the immeasurable riches of his grace in kindness toward us in Christ Jesus. For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God..” Ephesians 2:4-8 (ESV)
We were dead. We needed to be made alive. So Christ sacrificed everything to pursue us because of His great love for us.
I’ve known this…always known this…but I still don’t always embrace it.
I don’t regret my time with E. I will always treasure it. I learned so much about the vastness of God’s love and forgiveness. E was an instrument of change in my life. Our time together opened my eyes to who it was God had fashioned me to be…and who it was He had called me to be…
Wholly His. No matter the cost…I belong wholly to Christ. And I will submit to His headship.
I laid marriage on the metaphoric alter. Will I ever get married? I don’t know. Will I ever lack a beautiful love story? No. I have the privilege of living out the most incredible love story ever, and so do you…all you have to do is surrender to Him.
“For God so loved the world,that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but in order that the world might be saved through him.” John 3:16-17 (ESV)
Next on A Journey Of Joy: forgiveness.