I have no idea, and yet there is so much swirling around in my brain! In a mere two days I will be finished with my undergraduate degree! I am flooded with a mixture of emotions: excitement, relief, fear, joy, happiness, etc.
The journey has been long…oh, so long! Ten years. Not the easiest ten years, either. I have experienced more in the last ten years than most people experience in their entire life! Death. Life. Miracles. Joys. Travels. Accomplishments. Disappointments. I’ve seen more of the world than anyone else in my immediate family. I’ve seen devastation. I’ve held starving children. I’ve sat in dung houses. I’ve seen history up close and personal. I’ve enjoyed the beauties of creation. I’ve felt the hand of God spare my life. I’ve seen the hand of God spare my father’s life. I’ve loved. I’ve lost. I’ve given up, and yet I’ve fought.
If God took me this moment, I could honestly say I’ve lived a full life. Do I have regrets? Yes, and yet those regrets have shaped me into the person I am today. So, can I really regret them? I’ve learned so much about humanity…the depravity. Selfishness. Greed. Coldness. I’ve experienced it all, and at the end of the day I still love.
The mysteries of the Lord abound all around me, but He’s never left my side. How blessed I am! How truly, truly blessed I am that He has given me the life that He has. I need to share more of myself with those around me. For too long I’ve isolated, and now…as I am about to graduate I am building relationships with people I genuinely care for, and I wish I had more time.
The love of God should be shared. We shouldn’t be afraid of what we will lose, but rather of what we gain by giving our hearts away.
So, as I end this ramble…I know that I am blessed because Christ loves me enough to give and take away. It has been ten years for a reason, and I am not ashamed. I am not ashamed. My life has never been on hold. I’ve been living it all along; I just didn’t know I had until now.