144…

Took to the gravel today for the first time in months. Ran ok. Foot feels good in the new shoes, which I’m totally digging! I heart Brooks!

I realized that all the times before that I have sought to “get into shape” I did it for someone else. Today I ran for me. I didn’t push it beyond that which I needed to do, and at the end of the run I felt great. I kept my heart rate between 140-160 so as to maintain fat burn, and I enjoyed it. I haven’t enjoyed running in a long time. The feel of the wind on your face, the sweat running down your arms and back and face, your legs burning, and your chest at its max capacity! Felt great! Your mind free to wander…free to just think. No school. No work. No relationships. No nothing!

I don’t know what it is, but I suppose I have been so emotional for so long that now…well, now I don’t “feel” much. Maybe it’s because I have come to find great peace in many areas of my life. Maybe I finally have just let things go, so as to allow God to take control, and as a result I am relieved. Life doesn’t have to be “dramatic” or “upsetting” or “emotional” for there to be a life, to feel alive. Life can just be…it can be and still have it’s highs and lows, yet it can just be.

Acceptance that I don’t have a clue what’s going to happen next, and I’m ok with that, and reconciliation in relationships has truly brought a huge sense of relief to my soul.

I’m not talking to Him enough. I’m not reading enough, but I’m working towards it.

Another realization…I don’t know if I want to sing anymore. Truly..I don’t know that I want to sing. What do you make of that?

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2 Comments

Filed under Musings

2 responses to “144…

  1. After reading your blogs from most recent to this one, I can say that I think you are definitely on track in that we are called to love one another. I loved how your blog about careers had such a great perspective. Our only job in life is to love others with the same love Christ shows us, and honestly, we can never succeed to the fullest at this job. But we can certainly strive. I think we are made to love. I also think that we, you and I, are made to sing. I think God gave you a beautiful voice for a very specific purpose. His purpose might seem broad and vague to us, but to God, He planned out every detail of the plan. God didn’t give you the incredible voice you have by mistake. I think He has given you an incredible tool; a tool that, I’m sure, you can even use to aid you in your mission to love. My opinion? Don’t give up on singing. Just make sure you’re always singing for the right One.

  2. Thanks, Angela! I really appreciate having been given the opportunity to get to know you this year! I also really appreciate it when I get to stand next to you in choir, for many reasons!

    I think that is my downfall. What I mean by that is that I often start to sing for myself, and when I do God crushes my singing, which I turned into an idol. It’s so easy for the flesh to rear it’s ugly head, and if I don’t cling to Him I’m doomed!

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